


Love you goodbye

by ace23



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Is barely there, Its mostly Liam struggling, M/M, Sad, Sex, Smut, Zayn is leaving, i think its angst, is like, liam is confused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 07:00:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5699281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ace23/pseuds/ace23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Love you goodbye,from Made in the a.m.</p><p>Liam is almost ready to let go. Zayn needs something before stepping out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love you goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my folder since the album came out. I wrote it slow,the song screamed ziam at me when I first listened so I had to put the ideas down. I hope you like it.  
> Enjoy
> 
> P.s. thanks to Meshu who read it over and said she liked it. (I promise when I learn how to link I will) 
> 
> P.s. 2 I'm not in any way trying to make Zayn the bad guy. It's fiction,I don't think it happened and I don't think Zayn's the bad guy. So have that in mind and don't yell at me later.

It hurts.  
Despite Liam knowing it was coming, it still hurts to see the suitcase all done and ready to go.  
He didn’t stay to see, he couldn’t. It was long overdue, it had to end. Like them.

His hotel room is like so many others. Is white,Liam hates white. He wishes he would ask him, to hang some fabric around like he used to, to make it look different and familiar.

The big bed has white bedsheets, black cushions, and nothing else. Liam sighs, doesn’t want to do anything but pass out. He knows, when the door opens he knows. He’s the only one who’ll get a proper farewell. 

“Liam?“

His voice sounds broken, sad, and at the same time relieved. He knows Liam was waiting.

“Yeah.” He turns, ready to let go of the man he loved more than he ever thought it was possible to love someone. The man who turned his world upside down, who made him feel on top of the world, infinite, one of a kind.

Zayn sort of smiles, his eyes big and his eyelashes so long Liam already feels weak in the knees. His face's scruffy, his haircut is still kind of new for Liam, but his lips in that pout are the same.

Liam waited for this, for a goodbye and him walking away. Zayn didn’t fit with them anymore. Not like before. He was ready for different things, to do his own stuff, to move on from what he thought was empty commercial music. He needed more, the boys couldn’t give him that.

After everything they got through, Zayn leaving wasn’t going to destroy them. If Liam could go on after Zayn, they surely could together.

What Liam wasn’t ready for, was the need to hold him again, to touch him and love him and just a moment when everything faded and it could be just them.

He looks at him, disarmed by his beauty and his eyes, alarmed when he sees some wetness on them.

Zayn is dressed, ready. But Liam knows he needs something before walking away. He stands, all powerful on his small frame, and Liam notices.

“Is that my plaid shirt? It looks big on you?” is the black and red one, Zayn has one himself, a smaller size so he doesn’t swim on it. But this one looks big, flowing on his sides, the line of the shoulders falling on his arms, and he smiles shyly.

He knows how Liam reacted when he was dressed in his clothes. It was always a thing, them matching and sharing. It was different with the other boys, but them…always different between them.

Liam crumbles a little, sits down on the bed, looking at him like he can’t decide what to do with him. 

“My plane takes off in four hours…”Liam nods.”Leeyum. ..I. ..”

“Spit it out Zayn. “

“I don’t want to hurt you. I never wanted this,not…like this.”

“Do they even know? “ Zayn turns his head a little to the side. “that you’re not coming back I mean.”

“I don’t. ..Liam don’t. I don’t have to-“

“No that’s fine, leave it to me to deal with them. With Niall blaming himself, with Harry shutting us away,with Louis putting on a facade. It’s alright Zayn, is not like I haven’t been doing it for years now.”

Zayn shakes his head, turns and grabs the doorknob.

“You’ll call, right?” Liam chuckles.

“What are you trying to ask? Stay friends? “ Zayn turns again, biting his lip. Liam is so gone for him. And Zayn knows, doing it because he wants something, he doesn’t mind Liam’s feelings at all. 

“Liam…”

“Why are you taking my shirt with you?”

“Liam don’t-“

Liam shuts him up with a kiss. Is deep and slow, just like how Zayn likes to be kissed, Liam knows. 

“Can’t you hold on for a little longer? After this leg of the tour-“ Zayn chuckles, stroking his cheek. 

“No Liam, I decided, I don’t care about the consequences. I want out.” Liam nods again, there’s nothing he can say or do, he tried it all before. Every option, every possible reason to negotiate his exit.

“Can’t you stay tonight?”

“You wanna wake up alone?”

He doesn’t, that’s the thing, Liam always hated waking up alone if he had someone with him when he fell asleep. Zayn understood, and remained by his side. Usually Liam would wake up first and watch him sleep, dreaming awake about how Zayn’s family would react if they ever decided to come out.

Wishful thinking, wasted time.

“I can stay for a couple of hours though…” Liam sighs, head going to the crook of Zayn’s neck. He won’t cry.

“Let me…one last time yeah?” 

Zayn hugs him, whispers an affirmation on his ears and holds him.

Liam feels so weak. And so stupid because he is ready to let go, but clings to the firm body of his somewhat ex with all of his strength. 

He takes deep breaths, starts kissing Zayn neck and avoids leaving marks because he knows the dark haired man wouldn’t like them. He never did.

Hearing the first sighs fall from Zayn’s lips makes Liam shiver, gripping his hips stronger, thumbs on his v lines. He feels perfect under his touch, skin tasting like home and hands roaming Liam’s back like he owns the body. He used to, still does a bit.

Liam takes the shirt and undershirt off, Zayn takes his t-shirt off for him, slowly, kissing his chest as it gets exposed. Is slow, despite the plane, is soft and it hurts, every touch of his lips burns Liam’s skin.

The last time. It feels like the last time. It pains him as if it was the last time, this time for real.

After getting naked they lay on the king sized bed together, kissing and grinding but nothing more, Liam wants him tangled between his body and those terribly white bedsheets forever. Liam wants him gone of his life altogether too. He’s so hurt and confused and in love. Still so in love, but ready to let go.

“Babe? Everything alright?” Zayn’s voice brings Liam back from his train of thoughts and he nods, kissing Zayn’s temple before biting his earlobe playfully, enjoying the sound it makes the dark haired lad let out. “Don’t tease.” Liam smiles, rolling to be on top of him, his body covering Zayn’s entire form, sighing at the familiarity of the position. He thrusts his hips, to make Zayn feel his hard on, and to feel his. 

He still feels calm and comfortable with him in bed. For years Liam felt horribly insecure about his body, so being naked in bed with someone he likes was always a problem, making him feel anxious, jittery and unattractive. 

But Zayn…Zayn always made him feel relaxed. He taught Liam to relax and let himself enjoy the closeness, the contact and he made him feel beautiful, with soft compliments and reassuring smiles, a comforting hand always on the small of his back. He’s doing it right then too, his long fingernails scratching lightly on the dimples that sit at the bottom of Liam’s spine, one of his favorite parts, Zayn used to say.

Liam sighs against his lips, kissing again and barely moving, because maybe if he doesn’t, time will stop and Zayn won’t leave.

Zayn grinds up, makes everything feel like fire in mere moments. Liam is given a small sachet of lube and a smirk in response to his unmade question. 

Zayn is relaxed, taking his fingers with ease and enjoying the bit of teasing Liam does, the atmosphere getting hotter from every broken moan that those red lips let out. Liam feels so whole, and so in pieces too. Never thought he could feel so many different things for the same person at the same time. But as always, Zayn is a surprise.

Liam puts a condom on, positioning himself, thinking about the first time they did it like that and how his hands shook, how this time they shake for a different reason.

“Will you ever forgive me?” Zayn sounds sincere, but he sounded the same all the other times he swore he was going to talk to his parents about Liam and the real nature of their relationship. 

“For leaving?” Liam asks, unsure. Zayn nods.”I forgave you for leaving long ago, when you first started talking about it. I don’t understand it yet, but I will, and I know you have valid reasons and gave us more than enough. But for breaking my heart, and for this couple of hours? No I won’t, at least not for some time.”

“I don’t want to-“ Liam shakes his head.

“You won’t understand, don’t try.” He ends the conversation with a kiss, pushing inside Zayn’s body with care, feeling his heart beat faster. Zayn moans, his fingernails leaving red trails on the expanse of Liam's back, making his heart skip a beat. 

He sits up and takes Zayn with him, barely thrusting up but feeling him so close, knowing Zayn feels him so deep and right there, his eyes are shut and his eyelashes wet. If he didn’t know him he’ll think he’s crying. Liam mouths at his neck and jaw, his hands firm on the other man’s waist, he feels like he might come in three seconds just for the feeling of him around. 

“Li…move please.” Is a breathless plea, Liam nods before starting a new rhythm, harder and faster, making Zayn bounce. Zayn himself won’t move, is too intense for him in this position, Liam knows. 

Liam lays him on his back again, gaining a new speed and angle, making Zayn cry out everytime he nails his prostate. 

“So good, oh Liam…” he feels a surge of pride, that turns into bitterness.

It ends so soon, Liam feels it like that. Zayn's body felt perfect, welcoming and warm, his kisses tasting like coffee and cigarettes like always, his skin familiar, just right.

And soon Liam is taking a quick shower and watching Zayn laze around a bit on his bed. He won’t sleep in that bed tonight, he knows.

Zayn smiles, saying so many things just with his eyes. Liam sighs and goes to the door, he can hear the sharp intake of breath Zayn takes. He wasn’t expecting it.

“Li?” Liam turns, going breathless at the picture on his bed. Zayn with flushed skin and sex hair, his eyes wide and scared because this is not what he planned for today; Liam always enjoyed breaking his plans. “Where are you going?” 

“To Louis’, I won’t sleep here, he won’t mind sharing, he’s in the hotel tonight.” Zayn frowns at his words, sitting up and moving.

“I thought-“ Liam shakes his head.

“No Zayn, I can’t stay in a bed that will smell like you long after you’ve left. This is my farewell to you. Is closure.” Zayn stands up and rushes to him, close to his face but doesn’t touch him. He’s terrified, Liam can read him perfectly in that moment.

“You’ll call?” Liam smiles sadly. “Liam, when you get it, you’ll call right? You know this is not how I wanted-“ Liam kisses him again, he doesn’t want to hear anything else, his heart feels like it’s been stabbed and Zayn only makes it worse. Liam is not even sure he minds the pain anymore.

“I promise Zayn, when I feel ready, I’ll call. You don’t have to wait for me, I know you won’t, but I promise I’ll call.”

With that, he strokes Zayn's stunned face and turns around, walking away from him.

 

Two floors up there’s Louis, with weed and a warm embrace to comfort him, thinking Zayn will be back in no time. Liam can’t tell him, when he’s sobbing on his friend’s arms, that Zayn left them for good, that he left Liam again and forever.

Harry stumbles in the room later, with tons of shopping bags and plasters himself to Liam’s back. They smoke and cry together and Liam still keeps his mouth shut.  
After they fell asleep, and Niall came to the room for an impromptu band reunion, is only him and his blond friend.

“He won’t be back, right? That why you crying?” 

Liam chuckles, Niall is so smart, and so awesome. The Irish lad snuggles closer, the four of them sharing a mattress like old times, it feels like there’s too much space.

“He will regret it, not leaving the band, but leaving you.”

“I left him this time. It didn’t make me feel better.” Niall kisses his head.

“It shouldn’t, is closure for you. Now you can start trying to move on. It was your call this time. I love him Liam, but he never really deserved your heart.” Liam nods, putting his head on Niall’s shoulder.

“We’ll be fine. Break is just around the corner, I’ll focus on that when I get the time. For now, there’s a lot to do. Band first, yeah?”

Niall pats his back, he knows as much as Louis and Harry how the band always came first than anything else. Sometimes because they felt it, sometimes they didn’t have a choice. Anyways, Niall nods to him and Liam dozes off.

 

It was so difficult, being without him on stage, but they got used to it unfairly quickly. Liam sometimes turned to look at him, and sometimes it hurt to take up his solos or the harmonies felt off. But with their new album so close, the break getting closer, and a new sense of maturity Liam went on.

Like he said, if he could go on without Zayn, they surely could.

He wasn’t surprised when he woke up feeling ready. Months after he left that hotel room, he wandered if Zayn ever thought about him anymore. If he had time.

He just picked up his phone, and realized he changed his number three weeks ago. He tried anyway, knowing Zayn haven’t changed his number in three years.

Liam cleared his throat, hoping that Zayn was awake wherever he was, and he picked up even if the number was unknown.

Two rings later, he did.

“Leeyum?”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope it wasn't that awful? Tell me your thoughts in nice words   
> Thank you


End file.
